Gold Dog Poop

A couple of days ago I was recounting a story from the summer of 1999 which left my friend in hysterics; she then encouraged me to write this up in narrative form . . . so here I am starting off my occasional anecdotes which shall be known as Memoirs of a Fox, and what story begins this series? Why . . . a dazzling tale of dog shit.

dogs-poopI moved to the United States in 1996, but had to go back to England for an extended period in 1999. During this three year period I had grown rather accustomed to American sidewalks being mostly dog poop free; despite whatever social graces others nations may think that Americans are lacking, cleaning up after their dogs is not one of them. Not that I was happy with the amount of dog poop on British sidewalks (or pavements as the natives call them) in the past, but upon my extended return to my homeland I was utterly disgusted by the amount of canine feces that lined so many pathways. So I decided to do something about it.

Gold Poop 2It was a futile gesture, or perhaps it was performance art, whatever it was, it amused me and made me feel a bit better about my country’s crap lined paths. I purchased a can of gold spray paint and carried it around in my bag; the mission was to spray any turd pile I found on the sidewalk with a coat of gold paint. This was my form of protest against my fellow countrymen who owned dogs, and it made me giggle each time I did it. In my imagination I read the headlines of the local paper pondering why gold dog shit was appearing on sidewalks all over town. Like any satirist, I wanted people to think about it . . . I wanted them to realize that rather the streets being paved in gold, they were now paved in golden shit.

The media, however, did not notice my one man protest, but I must confess feeling a sense of pride each time I wondered past a golden turd that summer. My other delusion was that I would inspire droves of turd weary anarchists to follow my example and start a revolution . . . that didn’t happen either. However, based on the fact that I was able to Google “gold dog shit” and get several images does excite me to think that there are others around the globe who share my aversion to humans allowing dogs to defecate in public spaces . . . if you’ve ever stepped in one of these urban land mines you will know what this rage feels like.

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2 Responses to “Gold Dog Poop

  • I shall buy a can of gold spray paint and carry it with me always!

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