This Day in History – July 20th, 1969

There are many conspiracy theories about how the moon landing of 1969 did not actually occur; proposals that the whole thing was a hoax filmed in a secret studio lot, but the truth is far weirder than that. Neil Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin did walk on the moon, however, they were not the first!

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Armstrong and Aldren discovered a hidden truth of the Moon.

Before Armstrong and Aldren were able to place the flag of the United States of America on the Moon, they were shocked to discover Britain’s flag, the Union Jack, was already there. Alongside it was a piece of parchment claiming the Moon in the name of Queen Victoria. Aldren, who was huge fan of the Rolling Stones, wore a Union Jack on his environment suit in honor of his favorite rock band, thereby allowing Armstrong to verify that indeed it was the British flag that they found. Despite the Revolution, the War of 1812, all the Cold War efforts against the Soviet Union, and Elvis, Britain had succeeded in reaching the Moon before America, and during the reign of Queen Victoria nonetheless.

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Nixon always suspected the “British Invasion” of the 60’s was more than just rock music.

The whole incident was a great embarrassment to NASA and the national as a whole. Upon returning to Earth, the crew of Apollo 11 were sworn to secrecy for fear that this revelation would provide Soviet Premier Brezhnev with the perfect propaganda to humiliate the USA in the international arena. President Nixon, pressured by fire works industry lobbyists, also feared that this news combined with the popularity of the Beatles might sway the US population into petitioning for a return to the British Empire.

Files, that became public record twenty years after the fall of the Berlin Wall and Communism, have revealed that Nixon ordered an immediate CIA investigation of Britain’s “sabotage” of the Apollo 11 Moon landing. In September 1969, the CIA instrumented a “pre-emptive strike” against Britain when measures were taken to ensure that “Abbey Road” was the Beatle’s last album. When MI5 learned of this pop culture attack, an elite team of Cambridge educated satirist were quickly assembled by a wing of the British Secret Service known as the BBC, and on October 5th, 1969 a campaign of psychological counter-attacks were launched under the guise of a new television show called Monty Python’s Flying Circus.

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Was John Lennon a secret agent?

The Anglo-American “Tepid War” of 1969 was a fierce exercise in passive aggression. The CIA’s response to the BBC’s actions was to install Australian “media tycoon” Rupert Murdoch as head of the British tabloid newspaper The Sun, a publication most known for its topless models on the third page of the paper. A week later John Lennon returned his OBE in protest of the CIA’s actions, a fatal move that would cost him dearly 11 years later.

Nixen’s biggest victory of the Tepid War was actually against Britain’s super spy James Bond. Two years prior to the Moon landing Sean Connery had quit the role in protest of England’s occupation of Scotland, and unfortunately Bond replacement George Lazenby was not experienced enough to charm the American public. Even though Connery was Scottish, at least he was British, whereas Lazenby was Australian and could not quite muster the panache needed to make Americans regret not being part of the Commonwealth. Lazenby’s failure cost him a seven-film contract, and later Connery returned to the position, but on the verge of 1970 things were looking bleak for the British.

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Did HG Wells just write books to impress college educated geek girls?

The Tepid War came to a quick end, however, when an extremist wing of the Librarians’ Union of Great Britain provided the CIA with the precise document for which they were looking. In a secret arrangement, Nixon agreed to pay off 13-year-old Billy Porter’s overdue library book fines on a copy of H.G. Wells’s book The First Men in the Moon. 

The book is the 1901 account of how Wells (using the pseudonym of Mr. Bedford) had indeed traveled to the Moon with Professor Cavor. Wells claimed that he and Cavor encountered a race of insect like beings called Selenites living inside the Moon. To this day NASA has denied ever encountering Selenites, but this information does partly explain why the Apollo program was abandoned in 1972.

So while it is true that on this day in 1969, Neil Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin did land on the Moon, it remains a mystery as to whether HG Wells’s 1901 publication is a true journal of his lunar trip that has been moved from non-fiction to fiction by the CIA, or whether it was all along merely a flight of socialist utopian fantasy written by a leftist British author with dreams of free love and space ships.

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